Maizuru Naval District: Early Days
by Ark Shiranui
Summary: Takes place a few months after 'Maizuru Naval District: Beginning', the short story tells Admiral Schwarze's time spent as Maizuru naval district's admiral. She tells her thoughts about seeing different sides of her ship girls and contemplates about the choices she made so far. (Prequel to 'Battlefield Angel')
1. On days like this

_Just...How many more lives...will be sacrificed...?_

There was a point in my life where I saw grieving families of the deceased that had fallen victim to an Abyssal. Spouses, siblings, parents...children. They were all mourning for the loved ones that will never come back.

"Papa, papa, papa!"

One child desperately called out to the father that will never answer back or feel warmth. Everyone lost someone at one point...even I...

"How long...how long...will this continue?"

My legs slumped on the ground, feeling my own heart sink into the despair just like these innocent people.

 _We all have to sacrifice something at one point..._

Those words echoed every time I would fall into my own despair. Her sky blue eyes and gentle tone...I could remember it very well.

 _I don't want this...kind of sacrifice..._

I don't want to see anymore people be victims of this bloody war. No more...no more...I beg of you...

"I have to stop thinking about it"

I shook off my head when I spaced out again. I really shouldn't be stressing myself since it was advised to me that it's bad for my body's condition. Those past traumas...they keep haunting me.

"How can I stop thinking about it when it left a permanent reminder on me"

My hand touched the side of my abdomen and felt an slightly painful yet tingling sensation there. It's like my body is reacting on its own.

"You're going to be an admiral soon"

"I'll give it a shot. I can't stop fighting...because it's in my blood"

"Fu fu fu. You're body has weakened, but not your will"

"Even if this body of mine can't bear steel...it doesn't me I have to give up"

"That's the spirit. You're just like you're older sister"

"Don't push it just because I highly respect you"

I remembered that conversation from a long time ago while I sat on the docks gazing at the peaceful blue sky.

"Just like...my older sister...huh..."

I don't want to think of my older sister since it brings out all sorts of emotions inside me. Just being reminded her makes me feel intense emotions. Even if I deny it, I long of seeing her again...my older sister. I could still remember the last time I saw her. Unfortunately, I can't afford to put my personal desires over my duty.

"I'm sorry if it has to be this way"

I apologized at the sky while sighing to lighten up the heavy feeling in my chest. I hope she can forgive me one day...

 **The next day...**

I could never forget the day of my childhood where I learned the cruel and bloody reality of this world.

"Mom...dad...why...?!"

The corpse of my parents covered in blood stained sheets lined up with the rest of other victims.

"Why did you leave us...so early?!"

My older sister, tightly hugging me, felt angry at the lifeless corpse of our parents. I was so young back then when the Abyssal fleet bombarded my hometown and monstrous Abyssals killed everyone.

"...You have to run!"

"You have to protect your sister!"

My parents desperately told my older sister as we tightly held each other.

"Rrrrrr...!" A To class set its eyes on my parents

"Nee-san, we can't leave them!"

"..."

"Nee-san!"

My sister kept pulling me, but I refused to leave. As the abomination drew closer to my parents, my older sister grabbed me and started running away.

"...Don't look back. Don't look back!"

She told me with tears in her eyes. She ran as fast as she could and refused to look back. That was the last time I saw my parents alive. The next time I saw them...were lifeless bodies.

"Why, why why why?!" I hit the ground and cried over my dead parents.

"It's going to be alright"

"But...nee-san"

"Mother and father...sacrificed their lives so we can live"

After the attack, we took shelter with the rest of the victims that lost their homes and loved ones.

"We can't let that be in vain. So we have to live for their sake..."

My sister gave me bread as she brought ration given to the refugees. I admire how she remained so strong despite everything...

"Even if our parents our gone, you still have me"

"Nee-san..."

"I still have you and that alone is enough"

She smiled as she wiped the tears from my face. Her blonde hair and light blue eyes...were like mine during our childhood. If only I was as strong and brave as my older sister.

"Hmm? Another dream..."

I woke up, realizing I've been dreaming about my childhood again. There's nothing really much to remember about my childhood except my life ever since the Abyssals killed my parents.

"Nee-san..."

I wonder how is she doing now? Nein...I can't think about her or anything relating to her. Still, I admit I want to see my sister again, but our circumstances doesn't allow so.

"It's five o clock. I better get ready for the day"

After stretching my stiff muscles, I head for the bath first as part of my daily morning routine.

"Aaaah. Nothing like a hot bath"

While I washed myself, I can't help but softly rub the large scar on the left side of my abdomen. It's not just there, but a small linear one the right side and several noticeable ones on the back as well.

"How unsightly..."

It's a good thing I would always wear my uniform above a shirt to conceal something so unsightly.

 **Later...**

Even if the destroyers in my base are very energetic and carefree, they're good girls with unexpected talents.

"Oof!"

"Shimakaze, no running in the hallway"

I managed to grab her as she sped through the hallway. Just because she's a fast destroyer doesn't me she can just run about anywhere.

"Pyon!"

"Same goes for you"

Using my other hand, I also caught Uzuki by the back of her uniform's collar. These two...are the most rowdy and energetic.

"No fair, commander" Shimakaze pouted

"There are rules here" I reminded the two

"Pyoooon..." Uzuki did the same thing

"Unless you two want to know how we punish naughty children in my country"

I actually don't know what I'm saying, but I need to at least instill fear on these two.

"W-w-what do you mean, pyon?" Uzuki shivered

"In Germany, we hang naughty children on the tallest tree, let crows peck on them and then we feed them to hungry wolves at midnight"

It's not the exact urban legend of the Krampus, but since they don't know much about Germany...I might as well scare them.

"Shimakaze? Uzuki?"

"..."

"Ah. They froze in fear"

It must have scared them they turned pale and stopped moving. Being fed to the wolves must have been too much to think for them. Well at least that instilled some terror in them.

 **Somewhere...**

After I went to check on the ship girls' equipment maintenance, I checked on the newly delivered materials from Europe.

"Hmm...as expected of their material's quality"

European countries are some of the best manufacturers so it's no doubt. I checked all the materials if the shipments are either complete or not.

"With this, the base can construct better equipments"

After I exit the warehouse, I dusted off the dirt and dust that's stuck to my uniform. It's not easy to wash this because it's white. After that I returned to my office to fix some documents.

"These paperworks are tedious, but this is...the new duty I chose. This body...isn't what it used to be anymore"

I touched the part of my body where the worst I scar I have is located. I can't change what happened...but this is the life I chose now.

"No regrets"

I smiled repeating the words I told myself the moment I became an admiral and the day I first arrived in this base.

"Admiral" Richelieu entered the room

"Hmm? What's the matter?"

"Letters...for you. Also a package"

"For me?"

Richelieu handed me a couple of letters and a small box wrapped neatly. The moment I saw the seal, I realized who is it from. Nevertheless, I opened the first letter anyway...

 _Dear Admiral Schwarze,_

 _How are your days as an admiral in Japan? It's been a while_

 _Since we had contact with each other, don't you think?_

 _I'm certain you're wondering why I sent you this letter, no?_

 _Well...I'm simply curious about your current status there._

 _You need not to worry about them. They are faring well._

 _Though it saddens me they are unaware of your existence._

 _I respect your wish so as promised, everything remains a secret._

 _I sincerely hope...the two of you will fatefully meet again._

 _I will be looking forward for that certain day to come..._

 _One last thing. I have sent a special present for you._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Warspite_

That grand old lady haven't changed a bit since I last saw her. I gently folded the letter and inserted it back inside the envelope for me to keep as a souvenir from her.

(A present, huh)

I unwrapped the package, tearing the paper wrapping and when I opened the box...I smiled curved on my lips.

"Ma amiral, what is that?" Richelieu curiously inspected

I brought out an iron cross necklace...something I haven't seen for a long time.

"It's called an Iron Cross. In my country...an iron cross medal is a significance of bravery and honor"

"Woah~" Her eyes are sparkling

Aside from this necklace are a few photos. It seems they really are faring well.

"I'm glad for them"

The smiles on their faces...I don't want to ruin the life they are having now. If she's happy with her current life, then I'm fine with it.

"Hmm?"

The other photo is Warspite together with Ark Royal over a nice afternoon of tea time. Afternoon tea. She really haven't changed a bit...that old lady. The photo that caught my attention the most is a wonderful memory I thought I wouldn't see again.

"Admiral, are you...crying?"

"No. Something just poked my eye"

"That's a lousy excuse" Richelieu is completely unamused

"Just let me have my moment"

I closed the box before Richelieu can see the photos. Those pictures brought hack both unpleasant and wonderful memories.

(I have to properly thank her...)

I kept the package in my room and as I laid down on my bed, I looked at the picture I placed inside a frame to preserve it. That picture was one of the happiest moments of my life before that dreaded day came...


	2. Longing

I was just peacefully sleeping on my bed when I received another wake up call from Richelieu. She kicked the door open and yelled loud enough for me to be snap awake.

"Reveille, ma amiral!" She looks so proud while saying that

"Uaaaaah!"

I almost got tangled in my bed sheets and she almost gave me a sudden heart attack.

"You have to stop doing that!"

No matter what I do, Richelieu always finds a way to barge to my room with no care in the world.

"As the secretary, it's my duty to discipline the admiral"

(She calls giving me a heart attack once in a while discipline?!)

"Now then, admiral! It's time to get ready for the day!"

It's not even sunrise and she already looks so energetic while I still want to go back to bed and sleep for ten minutes or so.

"Uuuuggh. Fine. Whatever..."

I first went to the bath and took a hot shower. I still feel a bit sleepy and so my body is sluggish. My eyes still feels heavy and my body feels so exhausted...

"Still...sleepy..."

I lazily wore my pleated skirt. I can't even slip on my undershirt and when I am about to close my eyes from the sleepiness...

"Admiral, what's taking you...so...long..."

Richelieu caught me while I'm still getting dressed up. I immediately slipped on my shirt.

"Admiral..."

"You know you should have knocked first"

"...Right.

Why does Richelieu suddenly looks like she's in deep thought? Sometimes I just don't understand what she's thinking.

 **Later...**

Today it seems I have less paperwork to do and more on sortieing to the Northern waters. While I think about on who should I send to patrol there, Richelieu brought me the coffee I requested.

"Danke" I smiled at the coffee's warmth

Suddenly...I feel like Richelieu is focusing her attention on me and I don't know why. I feel so awkward right now...

"Ma amiral"

"Hmm?" I was just about to take a small sip

"Those deep scars. Where did you get them?"

I froze for a moment before slowly putting back the cup of coffee on top of the saucer. My heart raced when Richelieu asked me that of all things.

"You...saw them?"

"Yes. Earlier this morning"

So that's why she looked so conflicted earlier this morning. What am I supposed to tell her?

"Admiral, Those kind of scars...what caused them?"

"The Abyssals gave me these scars"

"A...Abyssals?"

"It's a long story"

My scars dated back to my old days when I was still at my prime. I sounded like an old lady just thinking about that. My body is not as strong as it used to be...it

 _I can't fight anymore._

 **Afternoon...**

Sometimes when I'm on break, I would spend my time just sitting in a comfortable position. I took of my coat and lied down on the sofa.

"It's nice to experience peace like this...without a worry in the world..."

I closed my eyes and refreshed my memory. It was a long time ago when I could see nothing but smoke and fire and feeling the heat on my skin. I have to admit I felt afraid that day.

 _The fear of helplessness..._

My body could no longer move. Everything was fading away...I was alone...I was alone.

 _Nee...san..._

I was alone for so long in that cold place. There was no one there. I don't want to be left alone.

"That dream again...on those cold waters..."

It's vague, but I could remember the memory when I woke up. It was a few years ago, some time before I enlisted into the Navy.

 _I feel so cold...so...cold...and alone..._

"A civilian?! Captain, I spotted a civilian!"

I remembered slowly waking up when I heard someone shouting in a distance. My body felt so weak and I could barely move. My body drenched in water made me feel so cold.

"Hey, miss...are you okay?" The man worryingly ran towards me

Using the little strength I have, I lifted my head and took a good look at the man's face.

 _I don't want you to feel alone...because you're someone I cared about. You're my friend._

Ah! Why did that memory suddenly slipped into my flashback. Remembering her smile made me feel...both pain and joy.

"I don't like remembering...the smile of a dead person..."

Grabbing my coat, I shrugged off that thought and resumed my duty before Richelieu scolds me for slacking off.

 **The next day...**

I had just finished checking on the developments of the newly constructed equipments when I happened to see Yamato practicing.

"All port side guns adjust fifteen degrees. Fire!"

The sound when her main guns open fire sure is loud...but in a good way.

"Mmm...46 cm guns. Must be nice to equip them"

If I remember correctly, one gun mount is heavier than a Yuugumo class destroyer. I'll break my back of I carried three of those.

"How unfortunate of me. I want to try those huge guns"

I continued to watch Yamato practice on the training grounds. Well she had just received adjustments to her main guns so she must be field testing them first.

"A classic Japanese beauty combined with those huge assets is a wonderful thing to see"

Before I could be lost in my daydreaming, I realized I have more work to do and I don't want my secretary ship scold me That's On the way to my office, I passed over the open grounds and saw the destroyers gathering.

"Teste?"

Oddly I saw Teste there as well, but she look like she doesn't know what to do. I wonder why she's worried and panicking. As I walked over to the commotion, Teste noticed me approaching.

"Admiral!" She ran to me crying

"Commandant Teste?"

"I'm so glad you're here. I don't know what to do" She cried while hugging me

"What's going on?"

She looked at the center of the commotion and there...I'm not even surprised at what's going on.

"What's you're problem?!"

"You're the problem!"

Nowaki and Shiranui are on it again. By on it again, I mean they're violently tackling each on the ground other like two angry children.

"If you had just listened...!" Nowaki is currently wrestling Shiranui

"That mistake was yours"

If this continues, they'll seriously hurt each other and it's going to be a bit of a problem so I decided to intervene.

"Hey, hey hey! Cut it out you two!"

I angrily went to the commotion and separated the two from further beating each other up.

"Just what's going on here?"

Last time they fought like this was a few days ago. I thought they learned their lesson, but it seems they don't just get along.

"She started it" Shiranui wiped the side of her mouth

"Now it's my fault?!"

Before the two could start punching and breaking each others' ribs, I went in between.

"Why are you two fighting this time?"

"Shiranui just won't listen. One enemy escaped as a result on the last sortie"

"There's no way I'm going listen to you" Shiranui's stubborn attitude isn't helping

"Why you...!"

All I can do now is avoid these two being in the same fleet or even a simple sortie might fail...and cause inconvenience.

"It's because of your stubbornness we kept failing"

"How is it my fault when you always act as you please?" Shiranui retaliated

Whatever am I going to do with these two? I wish they would just set their personal feelings aside and focus on their duties as ship girls.

"That's enough. You two aren't going to sortie until the two of you learn to get along with each other"

"What?!"

"No complaints! That's a direct order"

"..."

"Use that time to rethink things through"

I had to be assertive and show a degree of discipline to these girls. I don't want to be too strict or too loose to them.

"Sorry you had to deal with the situation, admiral"

While I sat in the office, Commandant Teste prepared some freshly made tea.

"It's fine. I had it worse...in the past"

I've dealt with 'troublesome children' before and they bicker much worse than destroyers.

"Admiral?"

"Ah. I was just remembering the time I spent in England"

"Eeeh?! Admiral has been to England"

She's sparkling again. It's like whenever she sees or hear something that interests her, she gets excited like a child.

"I'm only there because of an acquaintance"

"Acquaintance?"

"She's a noble lady who knows a lot of things. A lot of things"

Whenever I think of her, it gives me mix feelings. It's like a mixture of bitterness and nostalgia.

 **Later that night...**

After taking a half bath, I changed into my sleeping clothes and laid down on the bed. The only thing annoying that happened this day was Shiranui and Nowaki beating the bloody pulp out of each other.

"Guten nacht..." I muttered to myself

Closing my eyes, I immediately fell into a deep slumber. I drifted within my own mind, wandering aimlessly.

 _It's so dark in here..._

 _It feels so cold...in here..._

 _I don't want...to be left here..._

 _Don't...leave me alone..._

I heard someone pleading with great pain. The cries echoed everywhere while I am surrounded by nothing but crimson.

 _I...want to go back..._

A white figure stood there. Her skin is completely white and her eyes are brightly glowing. She looked at me with an emotionless face, but I sensed the hatred inside her.

 _I...don't want...to be left here..._

I can hear her voice, but I don't see her speaking. When she starts walking towards me, my body instinctively walked back.

 _They left me here..._

 _To sink at the bottom..._

 _Alone...in these waters_

Right before I knew it, her hand pierced right through my body.

"...?!" No voice came out of me

The mysterious white figure with glowing eyes, pulled out her hand and coldly looked down on me as I fall on the ground...bleeding.

 _Nee...san..._

Before I could be fully consumed by darkness, I heard her speak that in a lonely yet scared manner.

"...?!" I ended up waking up

I gasped for air and felt my heart raced. I touched my abdomen and saw no blood or hole in there.

"What the heck was that dream about?"

That dream scared me. I have to admit that. Now because of that, I can't sleep.

"Great. Now I can't sleep"

I complained since I don't feel sleepy after waking up from that horrible nightmare.

"Great..."

Hours passed and I failed to fall back to sleep. By then, I realized it's morning, but I have work to do...so I might as well get ready.

"I'm going to have drink black coffee because of this"

Yawning, I went to the shower and because I wasn't paying attention, I turned it on the wrong side.

"Aaaaah!"

Really cold water washed all over my body...sending an unusual sensation all over my body.

"Richelieu is going to be mad...aaah"

I won't be able to do my job properly and my secretary will probably scold me for sleeping on the job.

"Bonjour, ma amiral"

With hot coffee placed on my desk, Richelieu greeted me.

"Ma amiral?" She waved her hand in front of my face

"Ah! Yeah, sure sure. What?"

"Admiral, you're out of focus today"

She narrowed her eyes as she leaned her face closer to me.

"You look awfully tired"

"I'm fine, Richelieu"

"Ma amiral, did you even sleep last night?"

"...Yeah"

I looked away when I answered her, but she doesn't sound so convinced.

"Good grief. If you don't have enough sleep, your body will weaken"

"What?"

"You should take care of yourself. You're making me worry"

After putting some sugar in my coffee and stirred it well, she pushed it closer to me.

"Aaaaw you're worried about me" I teased her

"If you die from overexerting yourself, it's won't be easy getting a replacement with the lack of admirals"

She suddenly changed to a harsher tone. This is probably because she doesn't like showing her softer side to me. Well it's true it's not easy to get an admiral nowadays with the lack of manpower.

"I can handle the work just fine because I have a very reliable secretary"

"...!"

"Richelieu, you've been a great help to me ever since I came here. Thank you"

I can see her blushing, but she turned away after I said those words. Ha ha ha. Don't tell me she doesn't like me seeing her getting flustered.

"It's my duty as your secretary ship after all...and I have work hard as the flagship of the main fleet"

Sometimes I wonder if she's some sort of tsundere or she's not used getting compliments.

 **Lunch...**

Today, Commandant Teste is making lunch. Sometimes I get my own food, but there are certain ship girls who likes to cook.

"This is..." I looked at the plate in front of me

"It's Chicken Basquaise"

"Chicken...Basquaise?"

"Oui. It's a combination of chicken, onions, pepper, and olives. Sometimes I put paprika in there"

"This looks delicious"

To test it, I took a single bite and I already tasted the spices she put in the food, namely the pepper.

(Oooh. So this is the first time I tasted something like this)

I like how I can really taste the chicken in a new way even with the simple appearance. She looks like she's enjoying her meal too.

"You got a little something on your mouth"

Seeing the stain on the side of her mouth, I took a napkin and gently wiped it off.

"...!" Why is she blushing?

"There"

"M-merci" Now she looked away

Lately, I observed Teste and Richelieu acts all shy when they feel flustered or something. What's up with that?

"I really love your cooking. I want to taste your cooking again"

"I'm glad ma amiral loves my cooking"

Whenever she smiles, she smiles so innocently and purely. It's like she's some sort of angel.

"..."

"Admiral, what's wrong?"

Even with her smile full of happiness, I can senses something deeper. It's like she's hiding some sort of pain.

"Nothing. It's nothing"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah..."

After lunch, I head to the beach to think about certain things. The peace and the sound of the calm waves helps me relax so I like sitting here and doing nothing.

"Admiral?"

Surprisingly, I saw Yamato heading towards my direction.

"You look like you're in a deep thought"

"I'm just thinking about my past"

"Your past?"

"Yeah. I can't stop thinking about my sister"

There's no days that passes that I don't think of her. What can I say...it's hard to try forgetting the only family I have left.

"After our parents died, my sister worked hard so the two of us can survive"

"It sounds like you're proud of her"

"Very. She faced everything with no fear. I envy her because she's such a strong person"

I could never forget that smile of hers as she faced the sun with so much confidence. She feared nothing...not even the Abyssals.

"I'm glad to have an older sister like her"

"Do you...want to see her again?"

"I do, but I mustn't. It's kind of a long story"

Whenever I get emotional, I tend to talk about my past. I can't let anyone know who I really am. Not yet...not until this war ends...

"Nee-san..." I looked at a picture of when we were younger

After the day ended, I returned to my room emotionally exhausted. I haven't slept last night so I really feel tired.

"I hope one day you'll understand...I can't go back...to the way I used to be..."

Before I closed my eyes, I thought of the last time I saw her before that unforgettable day came.

 _I wish I could have said goodbye..._


	3. Remembering the past

_The life of being an admiral….._

Before I entered this war, I used to be a normal child, happily living wit her parents and older sister. Well my innocence shattered in instant when I first saw them with my own eyes...

 _Abyssals..._

I was only eight when I first saw one. Even a common Abyssal destroyer is as big as a van. I was just a child so seeing such horrifying creatures made me froze in fear.

"...!" 'Nee-san' called

I couldn't think of anything, but the sheer horror of this is the monsters that drove humanity to cower in land. Coastal towns like Wilhelmshaven are bound to be a target for Abyssals that can land. We were near at the harbor when the attacked happened.

"...?!"

My father came and tried to draw the attention of the Abyssal aiming at us. He was willing to throw away his own life for his children...

"Take your younger sister and go!"

"But!"

"..., just listen to your father and go! Your mother will take care of you..." He sadly smiled

Our mother grabbed our hands and from behind. Tearfully, she was forced to leave her husband so we can run to safety. As my mother dragged me away too, I saw my father ran and drew away the Abyssal. The destroyer fired its main guns...which I believed instantly killed my father.

 _...But, that too, was unfortunate._

We were running when a bomb was dropped not far from us. Mom used herself to shield her two children, at the cost of her own fate.

"..., ..., you should go now. Your mother can't move anymore" Her legs looks destroyed

My sister and I were bursting into tears, refusing to leave our incapacitated mother. No children can easily abandon their mother.

"I can't move anymore. If you two stay here...those Abyssals will get you"

"Nein! We can't abandon you!" My sister protested and shook her head

"..., for once listen to your mother! As a mother, the safety of my children are my top priority. You two...are my precious daughters"

She touched our cheesk with her shaking hands. We kept crying...since we can't bear to make that choice.

"..., you're the big sister so you have to take care of your little sister from now on"

"Mother, no...no..."

"Your father and I loved you two very much. It's just that...we won't be able to see our daughters grow up as splendid women. Still...giving birth to you two was the happiest moment of my life"

We kept crying as our mother is already saying her farewell.

"..., always watch over and take care of your sister, okay?"

"Mother..."

"Promise me"

"...I promise, mother. I'll be...always a responsible big sister to ..."

"That's my little girl"

After she wiped my sister's tears away, she looked at me next.

"..., I know you don't understand a lot of things now, but I know you'll grow up a fine young woman"

"Mom..."

"You don't have much confidence, but mother believes you are capable of doing so much more. Your big sister believes it too"

She wiped my tears away. As we held each of her hand while still crying, we heard an Abyssal heading this direction. She looked at us, nodding, wanting us to leave.

"You two have to go...now!"

"Mother..."

My sister grabbed my hand, but still hesitating to leave. We were just children back then after all...

"Go!"

After a moment of hesitation, my sister carried me when I refused to move. I called out to my mother just when a To class light cruiser found her...and set its attention on her.

 _I will always love you two...because you are my precious daughters..._

Those were her last words before the Abyssal aimed its medium caliber guns at her...and opened fire. Both our parents became sacrifices so we can live. The next time we found our parents...we can barely recognize them in the body bags they were put into. I cried and cried while my older sister embraced me as a means to comfort me.

"Mom, dad...they're both gone. There's nothing left" I sobbed

"You're wrong! You forget we still have each other" Nee-san wiped my tears away

As we took shelter at an evacuation center along with the rest of the survivors, she sat beside me an gave me bread, a ration handed out to the victims.

"I have you and you have me. As long we still have each other...we still have something left"

"Nee-san..."

"I promised our mother I'll take care of you. That's why we will live, ... We won't let their sacrifices be in vain"

My sister clenched her fists. I saw vengeance burning in her eyes. I feared her desire for vengeance...would be her downfall.

"We only have each other left as family. That's why I'm not losing my little sister to the Abyssals too..." She hugged me

"I don't want to lose my big sister too..." I softly answered

"As long as we have each other, it's going to be alright. I'm your big sister, aren't I?"

"Yeah..."

Even after losing my parents and my hometown, I didn't lose everything. I still have a sister whom I want to protect too.

 _What? This German is going to be my partner?! Tch! I can fight on my own, you know?_

Suddenly remembering 'her' voice, I woke up feeling cold sweat running down my cheeks. That's a horrible way to recall my past and traumatic childhood.

"...!"

I raised my body and stretched my back. It may be a little early, but it's better than being late and be dragged out of the bed by my ever aggressive secretary ship. So I started my daily routine of brushing my teeth, taking a bath, and slipping on my admiral uniform. Before I go to the office to start the day, I walked around the naval base to exercise my legs.

"I hate these body injuries. They're a pain to deal with..." I complained as I stretched my back

Time flies so fast. It's going to be fall season soon. Fall, huh. Well that was four years ago….but why do I still keep thinking about it?

 _It's fine to rely on me once in a while, you know? I'm your partner...aren't I?_

I remembered a certain silver haired battleship from the north laughing at me and saying that whenever she would see me so down.

I remembered those old times…..even if there were harsh and painful ones

It was dark and cold. My breathing was heavy and I could barely withstand the pain. There were bruises and cuts all over my body. Those old times were excruciatingly painful.

"Stand up! A weapon like you can't possibly be this weak!"

I was hit again. I couldn't raise my head. How could I look at the man who treats me like an animal and calls it 'training'.

"I said stand up! ….. like you are meant to obey your superiors!"

He kicked my stomach. My vision was already blurry, but I can clearly identify his uniform. He is an admiral. Yet he looked down at me with little care nor remorse.

"Yes…..sir…."

I forced myself to stand up even if my body was screaming in pain. It hurts so much, but I just keep on bearing it. Like I always do.

"Keep your back straight! Aren't you a …..?! Your kind is supposed to be tough and resilient, not weak and pathetic like you!"

"I'm sorry…..sir….."

He treated me like that way, yet I kept on obeying him. What's wrong with me? If she were there…..she'd be mad.

"Tch! To think you're her younger sister. You're a shame both to your fatherland…..and class"

I clenched my fist and kept quiet even after he insulted my pride. I was doing all of that because I was a soldier. I only know how to obey and fight. Nothing else.

"Admiral?"

I snapped out of that flashback when someone pressed a cold can of soda to my right cheek. It turns out to be Akagi.

"You look a little down"

She sat beside me and the two of us watched the waves splashing against the rocks.

"Done with the CAP, huh"

At first I wondered why she's alone since she's always with Kaga, but then I remembered it's her turn this time aroundto perform CAP around the base's territorial waters. It's not easy to manage a base with only two standard aircraft carriers in my fleet.

"Yes. Kaga will be perform the next one"

"Heh. Is that so?"

"Admiral, it seems out of the blue, but I want to ask you something"

"What is it?" I put down my can

"Have you ever had a partner in your life? Like someone you can always depend on"

"I did….but she's dead"

"Oh….."

"There's also another one. I met her in Russia. She's a bit hard headed, stubborn, and grumpy….but she's a good girl"

I laughed remembering how I have to be the one to calm 'her' down whenever she would have outbursts.

"At first, I was upset that they assigned me with some moody and stubborn girl, but as time passed…."

"You got along with each other?" Akagi giggled

"Yeah….."

As I was about to drink from my can, someone grabbed my head from behind.

"A….mi…..ral….."

That restrained angry voice and grip power….can only mean it's Richelieu.

"You have a lot of nerve ditching your duties again to slack off"

(Crap! I forgot I have paper work)

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Her lips twitched

"Please don't hurt me?"

She dragged me away while Akagi just smiled and waved. Richelieu is really pissed off she's two times stronger than her usual self.

"These reports won't write themselves, you know" She yelled as she dragged me back to the office

I can't really complain since I forgot I have work to do. Well she wouldn't listen to my reason anyway.

"You've been moody lately. I mean more than usual"

"I am not being moody….." She frowned

"Yes you are. Just the other day, during practice exercises…..you look a bit upset. Is there something bothering you?"

I did notice it's like she looked like unsatisfied and upset at the same time. I wonder what's up with that.

".…"

"Your silence says it all….."

Richelieu pouted while crossing her arms. She's a grown woman, but she sometimes tend to act like a child…..a really moody child.

"Alright why are you out of the mood?"

'If I tell you, you'd just laugh…." She looked away

"I won't laugh, okay? I just want to know what's bothering you"

I looked at her directly in the eye so it would make her feel easier to tell what's on her mind.

"I-it's because….."

"Because?"

"It's because…..I feel like something isn't enough. Like there's something lacking"

What? I wouldn't expect that from Richelieu. Does she want to get stronger or something? If so….for what reason?

"Huh? Why?"

"Well….."

"I'm your admiral and you're my secretary ship. Isn't it natural for the two of us to be open to each other?"

"Fine. If only you would tell me what I want to know after this"

".…Alright. I promise" I sighed

She prepared herself to speak. It's not always for Richelieu to act like this way. It's unusual…..

"It's because…" She mumbled

"Huh? I can't hear you"

"It's because you're not paying attention to me!"

That answer really surprised me. I mean I don't even know what to say right now. Also she looks embarrassed.

"You…..just want my attention?"

"I shouldn't said it to you" She looked away, hiding her embarrassed face

"Richelieu, I'm sorry I made you feel that way, but it's not like I don't appreciate or anything"

"A-amiral?"

For someone I like her, I didn't really expect she would get upset over attention.

"Look, even though the fleet I'm handling isn't even a hundred ship girls and I'm just one admiral, I pay attention to every single ship girl here. Maybe you're just a little jealous?"

"No I am not!" She angrily stomped her feet

"He he he. I was joking, but seriously…..I'm not ignoring you. You're my trusty and beloved secretary"

"B-beloved" She blushed

She actually looks cute when she looks soft and happy. She's usually aggressive and strict towards me.

"Now it's my turn. Ma amiral, what was your life before you entered the navy?"

"Huh?" I almost dropped my pen

"I wanted to know more….about my admiral. You don't talk much about your life"

What was my life like before I entered the navy, huh? I closed my eyes and thought for a second. I have mix feelings for it as my childhood was both traumatic and enjoyable.

"During my childhood, I lived with my parents and older sister in Wilhelmshaven. My sister and I would spend the days running around the port looking at the seas"

"Oh. That sounds….wonderful"

"At first…."

"Why so?" She tilted her head

"The Abyssals attacked my hometown. It was a coastal so it was one of the many towns the Abyssals attacked"

She fell silent. I feel like laughing at myself, probably because that horrifying memory drives me to madness every time I remembered it.

"They were everywhere. Abyssals that can take land killed everyone in sight. Our parents tried to saved us so they used themselves as bait so we can run away"

"Ma amiral….."

"My sister…..carried me away as far as she could. The next time I found them? They were in body bags along with the half of the dead residents of the town"

I stopped talking when I saw Richelieu feeling sorry for me. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I hate it.

"Still, I survived because my older sister was always there for me"

"A-ah….is that so?"

"Yeah. She even had to do tedious jobs so we can eat. We were orphaned at a young age, but we managed to survive in the streets"

"You look happy"

"Well I just remembered meeting this other street kid. She's an expert thief who can stealthily steal things and pick locks in seconds. Nee-san would sometimes get in a fight with her since she doesn't like stealing"

"Oh? What's her name?"

"She's Gra - I mean…she doesn't really have a name since she was abandoned by her parents. She calls herself Arleigh"

It makes me laugh remembering how she would tackled and wrestle whenever they would get into an argument. I would just watch them fight while Lina would just laugh.

"How about your life past your childhood, ma amiral?"

"It's just mundane everyday life. When my sister turned eighteen, she got herself a job so we got to live at least normally"

There's nothing different or unusual on my adolescent years, except…that one time. I don't want to talk about it.

"Well that's about as far as I can remember my old life. How about you, Richelieu?"

"I used to work as a curator. I was dusting off a newly arrived sculpture when government agents went to the museum I was working"

"Oh?"

"It was then they told me I'm a ship girl. The human reincarnation of the battleship Richelieu….because a fairy pointed lead them"

(She's not the only one. Ahahaha…)

While it's good to remember the past, it feels nostalgic. Just when we thought we're living normally….the next thing we know we're destined to be someone else.

(I wonder if destiny will allow us to meet each other again…..my dear sister)

I laughed at how annoying and unpredictable destiny can be. Well it's because of destiny I met someone like Richelieu.\

"Ma amiral, I've prepared dinner~" Commandant Teste waved her hands as she entered office

"I'm famished. Let's go eat, amiral?" Richelieu organized the files

"Yeah….."

We all left the office to eat dinner in the cafeteria. I sometimes eat there since I enjoy the scenery and shenanigans of my ship girls while eating.

 _Perhaps the second life this world had given me isn't so bad after all..._


	4. Grim Reminder

**Author:** Hey there, fellow admirals! How's you're event going? I hope everyone has maintained their sanity up until now, because I almost lost mine. Clearing E4-H was a pain, but Suzutsuki was worth the agony and rage I felt trying to get a successful Last dance. I cleared the event in five days and I already got Shion-chan and Tsu-chan while clearing the Transport phase on E-2 and E-3 so I was saved the pain of endless farming.

* * *

 _Fall season has already started..._

Now that fall has started, I feel great unease as this season reminded me my worst experience. Well at least the ship girls are having their fun.

"Potatoes?"

Not just the destroyers, I found Commandant Teste eating steamed potatoes. How come everyone is eating potatoes in this base?

"What's with the potatoes?"

"I heard it's a Japanese thing. Apparently the destroyers said hot steamed potatoes are best eaten in this season"

I had enough potatoes back in my home country. There's a lot of potatoes there. I guess I could try some local potatoes in Japan.

"Would you like some potatoes?"

"Maybe later"

Rather than be bothered by that awful memory in the past, I should focus on enjoying my current life.

"Commander~" Fumizuki waved her hand

As I am going to head back to my office, the Mutsuki class ran to me. Fumizuki, Mikazuki, Kikazuki, Uzuki, Minazuki, Yayoi all ran to me

"Commander, we just came back from an expedition" Mikazuki reported

We brought back a lot of resources, pyon"

They all share this one look and I think I know what it means. They're faces are too pure and bright to ignore.

"You guys want head pats, do you?"

"Yes please!"

They all raised their hands and answered in perfect sync. As they lined up, I gave the six of them head pats as some sort of reward.

(Ha ha ha. These destroyers...)

There's so much bliss on their faces right now and it warms my heart seeing their smiles.

"Commander"

Someone kept pulling my sleeves. When I looked behind, most of the destroyers in this base gathered up.

"Don't tell me..."

I could just twitch my mouth seeing my destroyers wanting the same thing as the Mutsuki class.

"Alright. Line up for head pats"

"Yaaaayy!"

These destroyers have been doing great since the beginning so this I can see this as a small reward for their hard work during sorties.

"Uuuugghh! I never thought giving head pats to all the destroyers can be so tiring"

It's probably my hand that is tired from giving them head pats. When I entered my office, Richelieu is there impatiently waiting.

"Slacking off in a busy day, admiral"

"I'm not slacking off"

"No excuses. You have to prepare for the operation"

Right. I never thought Fall season is going to be my busiest season...with an upcoming small scale operation.

"The destroyers all wanted head pats and I couldn't say no to them. Well I couldn't say no to a head pat request"

As I sat into my chair to deal with these numerous documents and reports, I notice Richelieu having a restrained expression.

"Hmm? What's the matter?"

Rather than answering, she turned away, but not before I saw her flustered expression.

"Richelieu, don't tell me you want a head pat too"

"N-non...I mean Oui - Oublie ca!"

If she wanted a head pat, she could have just said "Yes" and not act denial and tsundere about it.

"I still have to prepare for an important sortie as the main fleet's flagship!"

She hurriedly left the office and used the scheduled sortie I assigned to the main fleet lead by Richelieu as an excuse. It's true it's almost time for her to sortie to Aleutian islands.

 **Later that afternoon...**

Richelieu reported to me after their successful sortie on Aleutian islands. I sent the main fleet to intercept to movement of an enemy fleet. Like any other sortie...they succeeded.

"You found no installation there?"

"No sign of any Demon or Princess class. Just plain nuisances" She looks disappointed

"Well Teste's fleet did report they can't identify the presence there if it's a Demon or Princess so it's not a surprise no one showed up"

"I'm quite disappointed, ma amiral. There were no challenge after all"

The last Princess our base encountered was Light cruiser Princess during the transport operation in Kolombangara. Yamato told me how Richelieu punched the Princess' face.

"Well I guess I have to report to the headquarters no Demon or Princess class is spotted on Dutch harbor"

"Sadly no one is there"

Richelieu have been sighing in disappointment for the past thirty minutes. Even though I know why she looks so disappointed, surely there's a bigger reason behind that.

"At least everyone returned with only little damage so it's fine"

"That too. Richelieu is fine the mission ended easily"

Even if she says that, she still looks disappointed she didn't fought enemies at her level.

"Recently, you've been looking disappointed"

"That is because the Abyssals I've been facing are small fries"

"Oh..."

"I wish to get stronger so I can defeat Yamato"

"What...?"

Richelieu doesn't look like she's joking. The reflection in her eyes alone at enough to tell me...she's not joking.

"Why do you want to beat Yamato anyway?"

"..."

"Richelieu..."

"I-it's a bit...personal"

If it's personal then I won't bothering pestering her to tell me. I'm not that kind of admiral.

"I see. Then whatever your reason is, I hope you can fulfill it soon"

"M-merci"

Why is of every time she flusters, she looks away...sometimes covering her face with her beret. I could never understand how she really feels...

 **The next day...**

I've done some of the reports and documents I need to fill up, but there's still so much work to do.

"It's been months since I became an admiral..."

While alone in my office, I brought out the Iron cross a certain old lady sent me as some sort of gift.

"I would always tell the ship girls how trust is vital to the fleet..."

The way I look at those girls everyday, I would see how they put their trust in me as their commander.

"I feel like a horrible person for hiding the truth"

As far as they know, I'm just an unusually young admiral from Germany sent here in Japan.

"I wonder...if I'm the only one with secrets"

With the people I dealt in the past, I can tell who has something to hide and who does not. I suspect there are ship girls here with secrets, but that's just my personal theory.

"As long as those girls doesn't come here...then my secret will remain sunken"

I can't bear ruining both of our lives. I don't want...to destroy her current life. It will destroy her current happiness and I would never do that.

"...Just like her"

I gently tucked in the Iron cross and rested my back on my chair. Old wounds may hurt, but it's not enough to put me down. I learned to tolerate and live with it after all.

(I need some fresh air)

Bringing my peaked cap along with me, I decided to stroll around the naval base. Today is cold as well with the arrival of fall...then winter next. While I thought about the season, I heard a dreaded sound

"...!"

My legs weakened the moment I heard a familiar sound. Luckily I didn't collapse on the ground.

"Relax...just relax. No one's bombing anyone"

The sound of carrier based aircraft's flying to the sky triggered an old trauma. I'm still not used to that...even though it's been months already.

"I have to get over it"

Even if I tell that to myself, I keep having the same reaction every time I would hear the sound of aircraft's in the sky.

"Admiral, is there something wrong?"

The moment someone tapped my shoulder, my entire body jolted and I almost jumped up.

"Ah...CarDiv 01"

They have their equipments. Right...at this time of the day, they launch CAP planes around coastal waters

"You look pale, admiral?" Akagi inspected me

"I-it's nothing. Your aircrafts just startled me ha ha ha"

"Oh? Admiral doesn't like aircrafts?"

From the way Kaga says it...there's a hint of suspicion in her stoic and neutral tone.

"I just have bad experience. That's all"

"Did admiral got bombed before?"

"...No"

Before Akagi could say anything else, I fled from the scene since Kaga is really staring at me with suspicious eyes.

"Going out for a walk at this time was a bad idea"

I kept thinking about that memory as I sat on the beach, clearly bored.

"..." I sighed

I have to admit I feel 'homesick' since I miss my country and seeing certain people.

"To begin with...it all begun because of her suggestion"

Ever since that painful realization, I fell into depression and deep self loathing. That was some time ago and I have to forget about it.

"I wonder if they're doing just fine? Well...knowing them - I know they're just fine"

I laid into my bed, finally able to relax after a day's work. I barely had time to rest all day so my body reached it's limit by afternoon

"It will be two years ever since that unforgettable day"

Someone was lost two years ago...and according to that old lady, she emotionally broke down and cried. To think she would distance herself and refuse to talk to them for days. She couldn't fight properly because of her grief...is what that old lady said.

"To think it took her some time to finally move on since that day"

I laid on my side and closed my eyes. I drifted within my own consciousness, reliving a memory.

"It's rare to have this peaceful sight, no?" My sister looked over the horizon

"Yeah. It takes our mind off from the horror of this war"

"Hey, hey. Don't get all depressed now"

She took off my cap and waved it in the air. It makes me think how she can be so happy knowing there's a war going on.

"If you're worried about that...you don't have to"

"Nee-san?"

"Ever since we lost our parents, I swore I would look after you and wouldn't let anything happen to you"

"..."

"Because that's what big sisters do!"

She returned my cal and proudly told me that. It's her confidence that makes me smile even when I'm depressed.

"I promise I'll be there for you. Always!"

"Nee-san..."

"I promise you!"

"It's a promise"

We made that promise with bright smiles on our faces. That was years ago...I'm sure everything changed ever since...ever since...

 _Oh how the beast has fallen_

The scenery changed when I heard a sadistic laugh echoing. A voice I could never forget rung my head.

 _They left me...they left me...to rot at the bottom..._

"It's you..."

 _I want to go back...I...want to see her again..._

"No...you can't..."

"Must...go back...I...must go back..."

The desire, I can see it in the Abyssal's eyes. She was longing so badly. I Lt strangely resembled mine. To be with the one person whom I call my sister and the only family I have left...that's what I want.

"You can't go back..."

...

"...Because there's no one to go back to"

Everything happened so fast. The next thing I knew, I opened my eyes. I don't always have bad dreams, but when I do...it's hell of a pain.

"I almost overslept..."

Relieved, I let out a sigh as I knew Richelieu wouldn't drag me out of the bed. I looked at my phone only to realize today is the day four fast battleships are going to be assigned here. Good thing I set a reminder on my phone.

"Crap, crap crap crap!"

I hurriedly get ready or my secretary will get angry if I were to miss breakfast. After putting on my coat and wearing my cap, I dashed out of my quarters.

"Admiral, I thought you're going to oversleep again. I was planning on dragging you out of the bed"

Even though I can make my own breakfast, Richelieu keeps insisting to be the one to prepare my breakfast. She is a very good cook so I don't mind her cooking on some occasions.

"Bon appetit, ma amiral. You can't meet the new girls with an empty stomach"

"Dankeschon!"

Before I take a bite, I stopped my current action and turned my curious head towards Richelieu.

"Is there something wrong? Does the meal does not suit your taste?"

"No. That's not it"

"Then what's the matter?"

"You're not eating as well"

My words confused her simply by looking at her reaction to what I said. Is something I said odd for her?

"Why don't you sit beside me and eat together"

"W-what?"

"It's better to eat with someone you like, you know"

Richelieu's cheeks blushed and her hands shook. I just don't understand how she feels sometimes...

"O-oui. I shall accept the offer"

I wanted to be in a good mood so I can remove the image of the Abyssal I saw in my dream from my thoughts. It charred to my memory like blazing fire that smolders everything.

"You got something on your cheek"

Seeing the piece of rice on her cheek, I removed it with my thumb and she blushed again...for an unknown reason.

"Merci" She looked away

It's rare to see Richelieu break away from her aggressive and confident self once in a while. That makes it more adorable to a great degree. I wish she'd become more open. I like to get the to know the real her.

 **Later...**

While the main fleet is sortieing in the Aleutian islands, I reviewed the post sortie reports on that area. There were movements of several enemy fleets there, but it was thanks to the counter attacks recently...their movements have waned down.

"Oh. It's almost time"

I arranged the papers back into the folder for 'Area 03'. As I was about to put back the folder along with other folders, knocking interrupted me.

"Buuuurniiiiinnng Looooveeee!"

Someone dynamically burst through the door...by kicking it open, almost breaking it. It was a good thing I had the doors 'enhanced' because of certain ship girls habit of breaking doors.

"English born returnee, Kongou has arrived desu!"

"Kon...gou...? You mean you're the nameship of the Kongou class fast battleships?!"

"That's right!"

My impression towards her is already an energetic and really loud girl who likes doing dynamic entrances. Why can't they just send a decent ship girl once in a while?

"It's fine if you're a woman. I can swing that way too"

"Nee-san, you shouldn't just kick the door like that"

Three more girls at the same age as her wearing the same uniform entered the office. You're telling me...these four are the Kongou class battleships.

"Haruna is alright with it"

"Kongou-oneesama that was amazing!"

By the way they act...it makes my destroyers seem more mature than these adolescent fast battleships.

"Take a look well, admiral! We are the four Kongou class sisters!"

These four posed in the middle of my office like ridiculous characters from televisions. They're like teenager sized destroyers...with large caliber guns.

"We'll be in youre care, desuuuu!"

"How unfortunate..."

I'm rendered speechless at what I'm looking at now. Can I just send them back where they came from and exchange with someone else.

 _Why did I even accepted this job...?_


	5. Never Forget

**Author:** I stuffed a lot of things this chapter so I really want to end it in five chapters. I won't be able to be active much to further continue this since I will be busy in real life. This chapter is **MUCH LONGER** than the previous ones since I had to put clues about Admiral Suveran Schwarze's past. I made it so to those who are following the story will have to speculate because I don't want to reveal her identity just yet. "Not what it seems" is what I want to say since there's a bit of twist. Not much twist, but only a small twist because I don't want have the readers' hopes up too much.

 _ **Frohe Weihnachte, an alle! Frohe Festtage to all admirals out there. I will be celebrating Christmas with my family and of course, my ship girls.**_

* * *

 _Time flies so fast..._

Everyone in the base is already decorating and hanging Christmas ornaments. The destroyers are already frolicking about with no care in the world.

 _It's...so cold...down here..._

I suddenly heard a voice. It was filled with loneliness. I looked around, but saw no one there. Has winter made me imagine things? Perhaps all this coldness is making me hear things.

"December, huh..."

I don't have much memories about Christmas, but I do have one in my childhood. That was many years ago...

A lot of things has changed since then. Things only changed since that day. I can't see my own sister even if I want to. We have different lives now...

"I hope you're doing well, nee-san"

I keep hoping she's doing okay. It's all I can do since I can't even see her to know if she's just fine.

"One, two, three...Hoooo!" Etorofu raises her hand, yelling and leading the marching line

The Etorofu class. They must have returned from anti submarine patrol around the naval base waters.

"Hoooo!" Sado is the most energetic of the four Etorofu class

"E-eiiii..." Matsuwa is the most timid

"Hoooo" Tsushima...expresses the least emotions

It's nice to see those four being all energetic despite the cold season. It must be nice to be a child. I may look like a twenty year old...but I never experienced normal childhood ever since tragedy struck.

 **Later...**

Why it is the worst days of my life have to be in the two following months. Both November and December had a tragedy I could never forget. This December...it reminds me of that horrible memory just like it did on November.

"I couldn't save you..."

Whenever I think about it, my fists would always clench out of guilt. It's my fault after all. It's my fault I couldn't save my friend. I just watched her die a horrible death.

"I was weak. I couldn't anything about my weakness"

Even now I still blame myself for what happened. They say it's not my fault, but it is. I was there with her, but I couldn't help her.

 _I can't move anymore. You have to go_

 _I'm not leaving you! There's just no way..._

 _..., I'm dead on the water. You know that_

 _I don't want to leave you...my friend...my comrade..._

 _You don't have to cry. It doesn't suit you_

It was the day I wanted to take back the most. I want to undo everything that happened back there. The guilt...the pain of losing someone important to you...it hurts so much.

 _The escorts won't make in time. That's why you have to go._

 _But you'll die. I don't want you to sink!_

 _Both of us knew we will suffer this fate. It seems I lost the fight_

 _Don't talk...anymore. I'm not leaving you..._

 _You have to or you'll die. It's better to have one casualty than two_

 _..._

 _You're not fated to sink just yet. That's why you have to leave now_

 _At first I didn't know what she meant, but after learning what those words meant...it made the pain in my chest feel worse._

 _Tomorrow is a luxury but never a guarantee for us, ... That's why don't hesitate to tell the people how you feel for them. Because there might be no tomorrow..._

Those words of hers. They meant so much to me, I would never forget saying it. I would never forget what she said to me.

Live and fight for the people you cared about so when the time comes...you can proudly say...

"No regrets..."

Those were the words she was proud to say while facing her inevitable death. She face them with a proud smile on her face. That damn person...she faced her death with an unwavering smile.

 _...! Go and tell ... how you truly when fate comes for you. Cherish your moments together...because she's the most important person to you!_

That was the last time I heard from her. I took one last glance at her unwavering smile.

 _I'll definitely be waiting for you. No matter how long it takes. That's why...you better come back._

I stopped crying and before I left...I saluted at her and she did the same with a smirk across her lips. As I turned away, she turned to face her death. In a brief glance, I saw her raised her arms with a thumbs up gesture.

She knew about her own fate and even knowing the outcome, she still chose to face it with no fear...just pride.

"Just like a Kriegsmarine"

Why is it they fight with no regrets and face even death with such a proud smile. Well, it may be just her to do such a thing in her final moments.

"Admiral, Commandant Teste has returned from patrolling - Huh? Are you crying?"

Bad timing. Teste entered the office and she caught me wiping off my tears. Well this is very embarrassing.

"Why is ma amiral crying? Is there something that saddens you?"

"Ah no. It's nothing. I just...remembered something from the past"

"From the past?"

"Yeah. It happened a long time ago so don't worry about it"

Somehow she doesn't look convinced even though I'm just really thinking about the past.

"W-what are you...doing?!"

She suddenly begun rubbing the side of my eyes and cheeks.

"Tears doesn't suit you, admiral. Richelieu despises to see such sadness on you"

"Teste?"

"...Because it saddens me too"

It's rare to see her get concerned at me like this. She's always so cheerful and bright, it makes me feel strange seeing her upset.

"I don't like it if someone I care about is crying because of me"

"S-s-someone you care about?!"

"I care about all the girls here so that includes you. Everyone is important to me"

She's slightly blushing. At least she doesn't look upset and sad anymore. To be honest, I see Commandant Teste as someone dear to me. I don't know why I feel this way so I can't really tell her that.

"Mouuuu! Admiral, Stop teasing me like that"

"Alright then. Ha ha ha"

To lessen her pouting, I took off her beret and gave her a gentle head pat. She seems to like it.

"I don't want to go on a few day leave if one of my ship girls is upset"

"Admiral..."

She's brightly smiling again. There's the Commandant Teste I knew. Still, I can't explain why I feel an unusual joy in my chest whenever I see her smile. I wonder what could this feeling be.

 **Later that night...**

I begun double checking on the stuff I'm going to being and made sure I have the proper documents ready. I have to finish my business after my leave so I can focus at the Naval base's Christmas party.

"Those girls..."

I remember how Richelieu suggested a Christmas party on Christmas Eve for good times sake. I'm not interested to it since 'Holidays' doesn't exist in my line of work.

"She used my own weakness against me"

The destroyers were the most eager so they kept begging me to have a Christmas party in the base. They all went into my office and looked at me with innocent begging eyes. That's when they used a trump card.

"C-commander...doesn't want..." Fumizuki begun sobbing

"Ah?!"

Mutsuki, then Yamakaze, then the others destroyers looked like they were about to cry. Well except Yayoi who held a sign saying "Yayoi is sad". They guilt tripped me into having a party on the base.

"As expected of the admiral. You can't resist destroyers" Richelieu swept her hair that day

My own secretary ship used a powerful weapon against me...Destroyers! She knew I couldn't resist destroyers and would give up in a matter of seconds.

"Damn it, Richelieu!"

I slammed my suitcase close and cursed my weakness for the destroyer girls and my inability to resist their cuteness. It's not just them. CarDiv 01 wanted a aprty too for the food while Yamato thinks it's a great idea. I've been overpowered by my own ship girls.

 **The next day...**

Before I leave the base, Richelieu came to see me off. Commandant Teste is off on a patrol in Nansei islands so she's not here to see me off too. Richelieu ensured the base wouldn't burn down while I'm away. Knowing her, I'm sure I can rely on her on keeping the base intact while I'm away.

"Well then. Off to Norway..."

After that, I went on my trip from Japan to Norway. It's been more than a year since I last visited Hakoya island. It's still peaceful as ever...unlike before. I had to rest for a few hours after a long trip and prepared to explore the island the next day.

"This place has changed a lot, huh"

"It seems that way"

"Yeah"

I froze for a second. It took me a while to realize the woman standing next to me.

"Warspite? What are you doing here?!"

"I came here with the young ones from the Regia Marina, Hermes, Ark Royal, Arkhangelsk, and my eldest sister for official business" She counted with her fingers

"Visiting the anchorage too, huh"

"I never expect you to visit until I saw you walking around the town"

This is one heck of a surprise. I never thought I would see this old lady here in all places.

"Anyhow, what would be your business here?"

"I'm on a leave, but I also have to take care some official business after that"

I rubbed the back of my head, really not expecting her to be here of all places.

"You've become accustomed on being an admiral. I'm happy for you"

"Well my secretary Richelieu is a reliable French battleship. The others girls too"

"Do they know about you?"

"...No. There's no reason for them to know about me"

"We both can't afford to have trouble now, can we?"

"Yeah. I'm well aware of living this kind of life. I have no choice anyway"

My hands are shaking again, probably responding to my emotions. As I continued to stare at it, Warspite tapped my shoulder.

"You are still one of us. Even if those injuries are permanent, it won't change the fact that you are still one of us"

"I'm a sorry excuse, Warspite. I want to forget everything about my old self...but it keeps coming back"

"We once fought together in a hard won battle before. Don't ever discard your old self because I won't recognize you anymore if I do"

"You're...right about that. Maybe deep inside I'm afraid to forget myself so my past keeps haunting me"

"Don't see as your past as something that will hold you back. Use it to create the path you're going to take. Remember that"

She is indeed a veteran battleship. She has a lot of things to say in all kinds of situation. I guess one can learn so much from their long experience.

"That reminds me. I find a bit odd for you to visit there at such timing" What did she meant by that? She's the odd one sometimes

"What can I say? I never forget the past...no matter how painful it is"

"You are certainly related to her. She refused to forget the memories of her sister even after she sunk"

I stopped feeling anything when Warspite mentioned that. It's not that it bothers me, it just makes me feel uneasy.

"She hasn't visited there yet. I'm certain she'll visit when she gets the chance. Perhaps later"

"I don't really want to talk about her...nor see her as of the moment"

"There will be a time, you will face the past you left behind"

"I will be waiting when that time comes"

I turned away as I'm planning to head on that grave marker located on a cape, not far from the Sorbotn anchorage. It was put there as a reminder of the ship girl that sunk on the anchorage's coastal waters.

"It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

The name is clearly engraved on the marker's metal plate. It briefly describes about the ship girl's demise and the name they gave during the stay in Norway.

"The Lonely queen of the North"

Lonely. It does suit the ship girl as she did lived quite the lonely life...after her friend's death.

"I wondered if Bismarck had moved on"

Warspite said she's still mourning at the loss of her sister. It's not her fault. She was with Eugen when it happened. They hunted and sunk two Abyssals, but the Princess got away.

"It's not your fault so don't blame yourself. Because by the time we meet each other again, I want to see you had forgiven yourself"

I touched the engraved name of the ship girl on the metal plate while I closed my eyes for a few seconds.

"This watery grave, I feel conflicted seeing it again"

I pulled my hand away and looked over the sea where the ship girl met her end. Even in the last moments, life had been really lonely.

"Maybe I can forgive myself one day too"

Before I left, I placed a wild spring chrysanthemum on the ground just below the grave marker.

"A cold and lonely watery grave. To vanish into the depths filled with loneliness and longing is truly painful"

I shed a single tear, but I quickly wiped it off. I took one last glance over the grave and the sea before I left.

"Looking at these waters only reminds me of that unforgettable day...the day I sunk"

With a bittersweet smile, I left the breezy cape and head towards the anchorage so I can finish my business here.

 **Two weeks later later...**

When I returned to the base, I was glad it didn't burn down or blew up. Richelieu did a good job maintaining discipline while I was away. The only thing I noticed is that Uzuki is missing.

"Uzuki made a joke to secretary Richelieu and so she took her away. Uzuki disappeared since then"

That's what Shimakaze, her usual companion, said. I wanted to ask Richelieu, but I'm too afraid for some reason.

"Admiral, are you ready for the Christmas party?"

Teste in her Christmas get up excitedly asked. Christmas is a major holiday in Germany, but I'm not too fond of it. I don't have any plans of celebrating it, but Teste has been insisting for half an hour now.

"Come on now, admiral. Yamato-san made the buffet"

"And Akagi?"

"Yamato-san is guarding the food"

Yamato may look gentle, but that woman has a serious side and when provoked, she can break someone's arm with little effort. I'm sure Akagi knows that and she doesn't want to be sent to the repair docks for the whole night.

"Let's go, admiral! Let's celebrate Christmas"

Teste dragged me out of my chair and out of my office. Everyone is in high spirits as they have their own get up too.

"Today is Christmas Eve! Let's party, desuuuu!"

"Mic check, mic check. Is the karaoke mic all set?"

"Haruna is loving the party"

"Go for it, Kongou-oneesama!"

Kongou became the life of the party as she held a turkey leg on her hand. The whole Kongou class are having too much fun.

"Pyoooon!"

To my shock, I saw Richelieu tied Uzuki and set her up on the middle of the dining table. She even stuffed apple on her mouth to make it look like Christmas dinner.

"Ma amiral, there you are! Just in time"

(I won't even ask why and how it ended to this)

"A cargo was sent about an hour ago. It's addressed directly to you"

"A cargo?"

Away from the wild and lively Christmas party, Richelieu lead me to where the cargo was placed. This container looks a bit smaller than the regular.

"This came along with the cargo"

"A letter?" I opened it

 _Dear Admiral Schwarze,_

 _By the time you receive this letter and the cargo, it's already Christmas eve._

 _I enjoyed our little tea time back in Norway. It's been a while, no._

 _It's quite ironic for you to visit such a place, don't you think?_

 _Anyhow. I will get directly to the point why I sent this container._

 _Inside it is my Christmas present to you. It's quite special, you know._

 _The content is better off in your care so I had it secretly sent to you._

 _I hope you would not get upset. This is for the best...for everyone._

 _Happy Christmas, Admiral..._

 _Sincerely,_

 _HMS Warspite_

I returned the letter inside the envelope and inserted it in one of my pockets. Richelieu stood there, waiting. I unlocked the container and as I slowly opened it and when light creaked enough for me to recognize it...

"...!" I immediately closed it

"Admiral? Is there something wrong?"

"Richelieu, this container is off limits to everyone. No one is allowed touch or even open it without my permission. Understood?"

"Oui. But why...admiral?"

"No one is allowed to view what's inside. No questions"

"Richelieu...understands..."

After that, we returned to the party like nothing happened. Richelieu understood it's personal so she never spoke about it. By now, she knows I don't want my methods be questioned.

"My stomach doesn't feel good, desuuuu"

"See? This is why you should eat that much, onee-sama"

"Haruna doesn't feel good too"

"H-Hiei...as well"

"Why do I have such troublesome sisters?"

Three of the Kongou sisters ate too much Christmas dinner. Kaga is trying to restrain Akagi's gluttonous desires.

"Akagi-san, remember the pride of CarDiv 01!"

"All I remember is Christmas dinner!"

"Akagi-san!" Kaga wrestled Akagi who set her eyes on the Christmas turkey

Hatsuzuki is enjoying Yamato's specialty. She's even drooling while staring at a still tied Uzuki who is panicking and struggling to break free.

"Oooh. So this a luxury meal"

"Whoooaa! Rabbit for dinner. Nice!" Even Kawakaze joined in...with a fork and knife in hand

"Dogs shouldn't eat rabbits. Uzuki is not on the menu! Bad dogs, bad dogs, pyooon!"

On the other side, Shiranui picked the same food Nowaki is going to pick. As a result, the two glared at each other and begun fighting over food. It seems Kasumi is wearing the gift I gave to her, but she's too shy to show it.

"Rensouhou-chan, here eat this"

"Oooh. This is a good scoop. Aoba saw it all"

"I-I'm the first ship...of the Shiratsuyu class...I-I can finish eating this cake...first"

"All done, poi! Nee-san, are you going to finish that?" Yuudachi's hair flaps looked like it flapped for a second there

"Eeeeeh!?" The number one obsessed oldest sister passed out when her stomach gave up

"One, two, three...and aneki is out cold!"

Everyone is having fun and so do I. Everyone is living the night with their heart's content. It's not always they get to enjoy occasions like these so they cherish days like Christmas eve

"Alright, everyone. This is the first Christmas we're going to celebrate in this base and so, I'm proud as an admiral to have all of you under my command. I couldn't ask for any better ship girls"

"Admiral, Christmas night battle for my present!" I didn't look, but I already knew who yelled that

"Let's celebrate Christmas to our heart's content. Drink and eat till the morning rises. Cheers!" I raised a champagne glass

"Cheers!" Everyone raised their own glasses

Even if this celebration is wild and loud, I'll let it pass this time since it's Christmas after all. What I'm worried is how they are going to sortie tomorrow with some of them definitely having stomach aches from eating too much and hangovers from too much alcohol. Even the coastal defense ships are going with the party's flow, especially Sado.

"Frohe Weihnachte..."

Well, by the time midnight passed, pretty much everyone is worn out after partying for hours. I placed blanket on some of the heavily sleeping ones while Yamato takes care of the rest. Both Richelieu and Teste are knockout from drinking too much alcohol. I'm surprised Yamato has the same tolerance as a certain Italian heavy cruiser I knew.

"You got one heck of an idea for a Christmas gift"

Since everyone is pretty much asleep from partying all night, I will let them rest till morning. I had the fairies transport the cargo from the container to a storage warehouse where it would at the right size for it to be kept.

"To send this rigging. You sure have a lot in your sleeves, Grand old lady"

The turrets, the smokestack, the torpedo tubes, and even the hull looked brand new. The camouflage paint and black color scheme on the turrets matched well with the uniform. She event sent the the secondary gun. The remodel that was never used to it's full extent...I never thought it would be rebuilt after the owner's loss.

"I doubt the owner will be needing this some time in the future"

The fairies of the equipment all gathered just near my feet looking very sad. It seems they still recognize me. These little fellows know a familiar face when they see one.

"The ship girl who owned this isn't coming back. She sunk a long time ago after all"

The fairies climbed up on my shoulder and on top of my head and rode me like some sort of mount. It's fine since these fairies are dear to me. I smiled at them and they all smiled at me.

"I'm sure she will come back...when the right time comes. She'll definitely come back when she meets her again" I looked at the fairies, assuring them. They looked very happy

I sealed the storage's door and locked it so no one may discover what's in here and the truth behind this. Knowing Warspite, she has her reasons and just for that...I will let this action of hers slide...just this once. I have work to do tomorrow so I decided to return to my quarters so I can at least get some sleep.

"That Christmas party made my muscles ache. I got dragged into that chaotic celebration after all" I stretched my muscles

I took off my admiral uniform and changed to comfortable clothes then I kept Warspite's most recent letter along with the other pictures and letters she sent. I looked at my old uniform...the one I would always wear before I was an admiral. Sometimes I feel like wearing it again.

"I hope you're resting in peace, old friend"

She was a good friend of mine, but she sunk a long time ago. I was with her when it happened. She was pummeled with shells and crippled, until she could no longer move...yet she faced death with a proud smile and yelled what she always says...

"No regrets!" She yelled with all her strength

After that, all I heard were shells raining on her. I was already far away, but I saw smoke rose. Her main turrets has ceased firing. That's when I knew...my dear friend has sunk. I burst into tears, but I continued until the escorts were no longer scattered...but it was too late for her.

 _It's my fault you sank...because I was weak I couldn't save you..._

I lied on the bed and looked at the last picture taken with me and and my friend. It was taken on Christmas eve and we were both happy back there. So happy I never thought there would be a tragedy.

 _Seeing me will be just a painful reminder. That's why...I can never face Bismarck again..._

 **DAS ENDE**

* * *

Hakoya island. Sorbotn anchorage. This is the very place where my younger sister was sunk. If only I knew it was going to happen, then we shouldn't have left...I shouldn't have left her side. These waters were my younger sister's grave. This is where she fought till her last breath. Facing countless enemy planes. I can't imagine how she was overwhelmed with air power as she sunk...helpless and crippled.

"It's been a while since I last visited, meine kleine schwester"

I put down the flowers I brought beside another flower. That flower. It's a Japanese flower. If I recall, it's a wild spring chrysanthemum. The Japanese destroyer with an extremely foul mouth and rude attitude once told me this certain type means "The sadness of parting" and "Until the day we meet again". This flower meant sadness rather than joy.

"I wonder who put it here"

Who would even put it here? Probably just a random stranger paying respects to the ship girl that sunk here. Anyway, I put the flower I brought beside it. Gneisenau already paid her respects before she went on a sortie, but she didn't leave a flower. I won't be here very long so I decided to visit her grave as soon as possible.

"I hope your soul is resting in peace...Tirpitz..."

The day she sunk was last month, but it's better to visit her than not. I don't want her to be very angry at me for not remembering her. Whenever I looked at the waters where she sunk, I couldn't help but feel my heart ache. Tirpitz wouldn't want me to cry. Scharnhorst too. Even...even if both of them have sunk...and I couldn't do anything about it.

"Don't worry, Tirpitz. You're death won't be forgotten...because I'm going to avenge you. I'll sink that Abyssal if it's the last thing I do"

What kind of older sister am I? I couldn't even protect my younger sister. I couldn't even be there...by her side. At first, grief and sorrow tore my heart, but now...it's vengeance burning inside me.

"I'll sink the Abyssal that did this to you. I'll sink her with my own hands. Until that day...I'll tear apart every Abyssal in my way!"

I swore on her grave and the waters where she was sunk. If only I was there with her on that day...then she wouldn't be...gone. They sunk Scharnhorst, then they sunk my sister. That was the last straw. The Abyssals...will pay.

"Mark my word. I will avenge both of you"

I rubbed my tears away and breathe deeply. I will get my 'Drei' remodel soon...if I became stronger. I will carry on your remodel and use it to sink...that Abyssal.

"Bismarck-neesan! Bismarck-neesan!" Eugen is waving from a distance

"Let's go, Bismarck! It's time to head out for the operation" Graf called out too

"I will have my shove Swordfish torpedoes into your stern if you don't hurry up" An impatient Ark Royal came with the old lady

"Yeah, yeah. I'm coming"

Before I joined with my comrades, I looked one last time at the grave marker where her name is engraved on the metal plate. How she sunk is also engraved there.

"See you later, my sister" My lips couldn't help but give off a faint smile...a sad one

I saluted at her grave marker before I ran to my comrades. I will get stronger and remodel, that was once originally your remodel.

"There was a wild spring chrysanthemum there. Kind of weird"

"Do you know who put it there?" Eugen is curious

"I don't know. That's why I find it weird"

"Worry not, Bismarck. The person who placed the flower is someone who paid deep respects for the sunken ship girl there much like you did" Warspite answered my curiosity

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I'm the battleship Warspite"

Sometimes, Warspite can be full of herself...but most of the time she behaves with perfect discipline and elegance just like a noble lady.

"Have you mourned for Hood too?" Then there's Graf Zeppelin...

"Shut up, Graf! I don't want to hear anything about her!"

Graf teased me about that British battleship. I may not be in good terms with Hood, but she was a ship girl comrade of mine. I pay my respects to her sinking, but I still don't like her...even after her death. Honestly, if I somehow happened to see her back from the dead...I'll punch her in the face without hesitation.

 _I hope wherever the two of you are, I hope you two are in peace. I'll get stronger. Just you watch...Tirpitz...Scharnhorst._


End file.
